So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can u get pink eye on your cock?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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