My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
