he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
