I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
