just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
