Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize