So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
