hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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