i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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