college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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