On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
