A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
