umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
