I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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