I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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