So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's shark week go big or go home
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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