And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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