I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
