Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
