omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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