There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
