I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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