i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
