But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
