Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's always time for handjobs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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