I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
