Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
