she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
