the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
