Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
