why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
