the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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