So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
