of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
