Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
