did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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