Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
