Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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