She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
