he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
