508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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