Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
