i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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