I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
