there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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