oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
