i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
