If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
