i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
