its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Let's get the cat blown out
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
