I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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