Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
