This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
