Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
