my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
