Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
