hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
