My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
