I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
