If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
