you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
