you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
