He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
