I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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