peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
