We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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