new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
