Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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