Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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