i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
