Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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