The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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