So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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